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The Wiring of Men and Women

June 20, 2011

I’m grateful for Mormon men who recognize the goodness of monogamy.  The consensus seems to be, “Why would I want polygamy?  It’s hard enough having one wife!”

But then there are the rare, anonymous people online who seem to be drooling over the idea and it frankly creeps me out.  Also, I strongly suspect they have a lot of trouble being faithful and they think permission to have multiple wives would provide a cure.  Some of them will even say that men have strong sex drives because they were meant to practice polygamy.  “Men are wired that way!” they exclaim.  Therefore it must be good.

What they are forgetting is the scripture that the natural man is an enemy to God.  We all have our various temptations, but that doesn’t mean our urges are good.  Don’t claim to be an active, believing Mormon and forget that important doctrine.  We fight our natural urges to lose our tempers, lie, cheat, gossip, and more, but I don’t hear those things described as good because we are wired that way.

Women (for the most part) are wired to feel violated when their mate even stares at another woman walking down the street, so why would a man’s “wiring” trump a woman’s “wiring”?  The logic is that men like sex so much more than women, so they “need” more and they need variety.

Where does that leave a woman who likes sex?  So she would be obligated to have less sex because her husband is alternating between wives?  I know plenty of women who like sex, so that’s a raw deal.

I was talking about this with a friend today and I told her, “I don’t even like sharing a pop can with people.  If someone asks for a sip of my drink, I just let them have the whole thing.  The idea of sharing my husband intimately is disgusting to me.  What would happen if one of the wives were to stray because she feels deprived and she brings home a disease to everyone?”  After that we started joking about how wonderful it would be to have multiple husbands – one who works on cars, one who is a massage therapist, a chef, a housecleaner, etc.  I said, “Wouldn’t it make so much more sense financially to have multiple breadwinners in a family?”  Of course, that idea wouldn’t go over so well with the men because they wouldn’t get to have sex as often.  Lame idea, huh guys?  Yeah, well women don’t like it any better.  The idea of not being able to share a bed with my husband or to be the one to hold his hand when we go places would make me feel terrible.

I don’t think there is any point in trying to explain polygamy whether it’s Old Testament or more recent times, but I think it’s especially annoying to rationalize it using a man’s high libido as evidence of its virtues.  Another evidence used is the scripture in Isaiah that says seven women will take hold of one man and ask to be called by his name only, so they think it indicates polygamy will be making a comeback.  In what way does that sound like a real marriage?

I think there are many mysteries in life and this is just another matter of faith as to why polygamy was practiced in Old Testament times and in the early days of the church.

Why don’t vegetables taste like chocolate?

Why does labor have to be so excrutiatingly painful and yet we are commanded to be fruitful and multiply?

What brought on this post, you ask?  Some guy wrote on an LDS forum recently that if women would storm the halls of Congress, we could win our right to have the kind of marriages we want and we could share powerful men instead of having to marry a “spineless, powerless dweeb”.  What in the heck?!

First of all, I’ll take a “spineless, powerless dweeb” any day over some guy with a fat head who thinks multiple women would love to share him.  And by “spineless, powerless dweeb”, I’m pretty sure he means men who respect women and value their opinions.  He also made some comment about both his mom and his wife being “dominant” due to the culture they were brought up in.  Seriously, what a vomit inducing post.

Second, I don’t know any Mormon women who want to practice polygamy, so the idea of any of us “storming the halls of Congress” on a quest to lessen our quality of life is just ridiculous.

In short, in my experience, guys who anonymously promote polygamy (a practice our church excommunicates people for) on the Internet also present themselves as creepy chauvanists no matter how they might try to mask their true motivations.


2 Comments leave one →
  1. July 2, 2011 11:29 pm

    Morningstarrambles, I worry that you are over-focusing on a “one size fits most” model of relationships, just as the polyvangelists over-focus on the positives of their minority relationship preferences. While I would expect most women to hate the idea of sharing a partner, not everyone experiences jealousy in the same way. Most men would not stand their wife having sex with other men, yet some men take their wives swinging and enjoy seeing her have sex with other males. Just as men vary in their experience of jealousy, some women are also less jealous than others and may enjoy sharing a husband with other wives. Such women can and do find each other via various internet websites and their local polyamory social groups, and many do so for non-religious reasons.

    A rare minority of women & men enjoy polygamy and may seek to raise awareness of its benefits. Polygamy is viewed by many to be inherently toxic so it makes sense that polygamists seek to end their persecution. But many people feel a need to convert others to their personal preferences in a biased manner. Chauvinists of all forms, including polyvangelists, are dead annoying.

  2. July 3, 2011 6:37 pm

    Hi Meh,

    I realize there are people who are the exception when it comes to jealousy. It just bugs me when people who are supposedly a part of my religion promote the practice as good using a man’s nature as evidence of polygamy being divine when most women are naturally repulsed by the idea. I know people want to come up with logical reasons for it being practiced before, but I think as they attempt to do so, it ignores the feelings of women. Some of these polygamy promoting men just come off as having a hard time facing the fact that they are expected to be monogamous. Thanks for stopping by! :)

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