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Facing Loss

July 1, 2011

My mom’s sister isn’t doing well and she has decided not to go back to the hospital.  She loves her home and would rather be there, but I’m concerned because she can’t get to the bathroom by herself and my uncle practically has to carry her there.  We are hoping part of this is due to side effects from her medication, but I am concerned she isn’t going to recover this time.  She has had multiple strokes due to Lupus in addition to “mini strokes”.  She had some alarming problems last week that indicated she was having another one.  She is on the maximum dose of medication to prevent strokes, so there is nothing more the doctors can do. 

I know that I’m nearing a time when I will lose many people I love, but I will never feel ready for that.  My best friend called last night to say her father is dying and has maybe 6 months to live.  My father-in-law has e-mailed information that we will need when he passes away to make things easier on everyone.  I don’t consider him old, but he does have heart problems and diabetes, so you just never know.  Oh yes, we also received word that my husband’s grandma has hardly been drinking or eating, so she is expected to pass away soon.

I’m thinking a lot today about whether I have nurtured relationships the way I should have.  And my heart aches because I have had this goal for so long to find out what happened to my missing grandmother before any of her children passed away.  I know they will have answers in the next life, but I have had such strong desires for them to have that closure while still living.

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