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Backhanded Compliments

March 9, 2012

A friend has given me permission to back out of a craft night tonight for a small group of women because I feel unable to deal with one woman’s passive aggressive ways, but especially her backhanded compliments.  It’s a long story, but she’s mentally ill and you can’t call her on her rudeness without starting World War III.  Normally I just tell myself, “That’s just her.  Why should I be offended?” but sometimes it gets to me.

She told a friend, “I was driving down the street and thought this woman was you, but I thought she was too small to be you.  It was you!”  She can’t just say, “Hey, you look great!”

I sang while I was sick at an event and she said, “I wondered if you normally sang that flat, but then I heard you coughing and realized you weren’t feeling well.”  She has heard me sing many times and knows I usually do just fine.  She just couldn’t pass up the opportunity to make such a comment.  If I were to say the same to her, she would flip out.  

Oh, and the nosiness.  “I noticed you have been looking really tired lately.  Are you pregnant?”

First of all, it’s none of your business.  If I were to tell someone, it would be because I wanted to and was ready to tell someone, not because I looked like crap and they noticed.

Second, thanks for telling me I look like crap.  No, I’m not pregnant.

So would I rather go on a date with my husband tonight or be stuck in a conversation I don’t want to have while biting my tongue?

I think I’ve made my decision.

4 Comments leave one →
  1. March 9, 2012 3:34 pm

    It sounds like there’s a world of hurt around this woman. Can I meekly suggest you read a little book I have found very helpful in these kinds of situations?

    There’s a traditional paper-back version too, in case you don’t have a Kindle.

    You’ll have to take my word for it, but I promise you that you will not regret reading this :)

    • March 9, 2012 7:36 pm

      Thanks, Nicolas! I usually handle her OK, but I’m recovering from a week long illness and have very little patience right now. I don’t feel like I can continue to smile while she insults me for no reason. That’s not even the half of it. I’ve been dealing with her for over 9 years and many people have a hard time with her.

  2. March 9, 2012 8:14 pm

    Yes, sometimes it’s hard not to let others control our behavior :-) I hope you give that book a try, it will really help you in such difficult times. Its authors are LDS I think.

    I hope you make a quick recovery!

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