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My Timetable

July 1, 2012

Don’t you love those lessons in life that you have to learn repeatedly?  I feel like I have made a lot of extra stress for myself by deciding that once we were out of debt and had $3,000 in our savings account, we could finally apply for a home loan.  Part of this was my fear ruling me – what if our landlord doesn’t allow us to live here anymore?  Then we better hurry up and buy a place, especially if we have to change school districts.

My trials have made me an overanalyzer.  I used to be more adventurous and just worried about things as they came along.  I would like to recapture that quality I once had, which could be a downfall too, but I need more of a balance.  I developed a case of insomnia last week because I couldn’t stop thinking about the unlimited unknowns:

1.  What if my kids have to change school districts in the middle of the year?

2.  What if the bank doesn’t approve us for as much as they thought they could?

3.  What if we get kicked out of here before we have a chance to buy?  Then what?  Our savings would be blown on first, last, and deposit for another rental.

4.  What if the house we buy needs a new roof or furnace sooner than we think and we can’t afford it?

5.  What if my kids are miserable at their new school?  We can’t just turn around and sell the house.  It has to appreciate in value.

6.  Would I feel horrible later if we didn’t move by my parents?

7.  Would we regret it if we moved by my parents?  Would the kids take advantage of Grandma and Grandpa’s kindness?  Would we still want to be in that neighborhood after they’re gone?

8.  What if we keep paying for inspections just to discover the VA won’t approve the house?

9.  What if it costs way more to heat our new house than we thought?

10.  When can we have our last child?  If we have a higher payment, can we afford that?  What if something goes wrong?

11.  Could my husband afford the payments if I died?

12.  How hard would it be to sell the house later if we needed to?

I think I’ve been more anxious because of the bad start we had with that lender and realtor, but I like our new realtor and I need to just chill and get preapproved with someone – stop thinking about whether they can get us the absolutely best deal on the way we finally find the house we want to make an offer on.  If we get preapproved, that doesn’t mean we have to make an offer on something this week.  It will be good just to know what is possible and then we can make a decision from there.  My husband feels rushed because he doesn’t want the interest rates to go up.  The problem is, there are multiple bids and people are offering over the asking price, so that isn’t going to get us a house for the price we need anyway.  I keep thinking there will be a better opportunity later this summer or even fall.  Most likely, we applied too soon because of my timetable instead of asking Heavenly Father what was meant to be. 

OK, so what if we do get kicked out of here?  Then we’ll deal with it and maybe that will somehow lead to better things.  We’ll pack, look for a place, and if we don’t find anything we’ll put everything in storage.  I think we know a couple people who would take us in temporarily or might benefit from rent paid to them or our skills.  I lived out of a duffle bag for two weeks in Texas.  I went to Austria at the age of 15 for 5 weeks without my family and without having met my host family.  I took some leaps of faith that turned out great and have given me the best memories. 

I’m going to take back my sense of adventure and encourage my kids to be the same way.  I’m going to be open to whatever options Heavenly Father offers us and when I know the Spirit is giving us the answer, I’m not going to look back.  I’m thinking about my aunt again who just took things as they came.  She managed to work things out, even from her wheelchair.  I miss her so much. 

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